COMPoST nRB

not recommended behavior

last updated 04/20/98 (names withheld to protect the guilty^H^H^H^H^H^H squidly)

wheelying...

in general
with a passenger on a bike that has a solo seat and less than 50cc's
about 40 yards from a police car that has his lights off that you didn't see
on a race bike, in the pits
the third time you've *ever* ridden a motorcycle
2up
- by accident
  - while on your friend's new bike
    - with his girlfriend on the back
- in front of a cop
  - who then gives you a ticket (doh!)
while leaned over
- in 2nd gear
  - by accident
with a weak chain
- on a bike that's not yours
  - and breaking the chain
    - with the bike's owner riding your bike right behind you
for a block & _then_ checking and seeing that the lock plate had fallen off your chain's master link

speeding

stoppying...

magnificently & thereby almost causing the fella behind you to crash
& squarshing yer nards on the tank

crossing the double yellow...

to get a better line on the corner
to pass slower moving vehicles
to pass slower moving vehicles AND get a better line on the corner

burnouts...

on wet pavement
on dry pavement
off the pavement (in the dirt/gravel/mud/etc)
on a 50cc scooter
with a nail in your tire

contact with another rider while in motion

sitting on the gas tank while the bike is in motion

with a passenger

almost killing oneself by hitting an oncoming car 120 seconds after purchasing your new bike

running from police...

cars when they have their lights on
bikes when they have their lights on
- when there are two of them

crashing (almost forgot that one...)

riding with no glasses when you normally wear glasses

riding with glasses when you normally don't wear glasses

dragging your knee...

with leathers on
without leathers on

scrubbing in new tires on a loud race bike with no lights in a residential neighborhood at 11PM on a weeknight

riding at 90% of your daytime pace at nighttime on a VFR with a totally misadjusted headlight--on a road with gravel--with two idiots following you going just as fast as you are

donuts on a YSR50 in the grass

running out of gas...

when you already knew you were on reserve
when we're already late
after just passing through a town with a gas station

carrying a cheap jug (that had a gallon of water in it 30 seconds prior) filled with gasoline in your backpack to fill up your friend's bike, as he had run out after just passing through a town with a gas station

trying to tow a bike that's out of gas with your own bike, pulling the out-of-gas-person's right hand with your left--up a hill, then carrying a cheap jug (that had a gallon of water in it 30 seconds ago) filled with gasoline in your backpack to fill up your friend's bike, as he had run out after just passing through a town with a gas station

coming to a complete stop when the bike is still leaned over

owning a pit bike that is 5 times as loud as most people's race bikes

practicing race starts in your garage with the door closed

having the police look for you in your neighborhood, after "cleaning out the carbs"

playing cat & mouse on the Kennedy...

while it was under construction
- & having the police catch you

getting lost near the stadium & having pot shots taken at your bike

giving rides down lakeshore drive

to drunk members of the opposite sex
- that are old enough to be your mother

misjudging the turn-in &

hitting the curb on the _inside_ of the corner
- while wearing sweatpants
  - and thereby pissing off your friend since you had just 2 days earlier jointly bought the bike

liberally using duct tape on your bike

as a decorative item
- and liking it

blowing through a red stop light with a cop at the other end of the intersection

while driving on a wheelie ticket

riding long distances by yourself on a bike with no plates

without having gotten your M class license yet

riding your bike home around midnight

in shorts
- during a thunderstorm

getting hailed (gumball sized) on on your way home from picking up your new bike because "you couldn't wait to get it"

playing cat-and-mouse down I-88 thinking the whole time "If we keep this up, we're gonna get pulled over", and then whacking it wide open again

missing out on a two-week, all bike vacation to Boise, ID via Sacramento because your boss thinks it's more important for you to go to Egypt!!

driving down the right shoulder, clearly marked "No Driving On The Shoulder", passing a cop waiting patiently in line with all the other loser... er.... cagers

and getting a totally legitimate ticket for same

riding an ST side-by-side with a ZX-11 at Blackhawk Farms Raceway (nobody tried to pass us)

_coasting_ to the gas pump, completely dry, after burning up the interstate from Dallas to Texarcana (27MPG). All part of riding non-stop from Richardson, Texas to Lisle in 21 hours. (No tickets on this ride.)

being surrounded by 8 horses on a an Indiana farm road

going through three Gold Wings before discovering sport bikes

riding a GL-1500 through the Colorado mountains in hot pursuit of several sport bikes. (Surprised a few of them, too.)

riding a CB-160 from Southern Delaware to Southern Indiana. the weather moved from the mid 80s to the low 30s over 48 hours, with ice, sleet, snow mixed in for good measure. Took three days before I warmed up. This was before good rain suits were invented.

jumping your streetbike (getting air beneath both tires over a raised manhole, not jumpstarting the battery)

right behind somebody who just jumped their street bike

loooooong burnouts in the grass

sliding your hand along the ground in a corner (yes, I had a glove on)

dragging knees on the street in a neighborhood on a YSR50 that isn't street legal

leading beginner riders through twisties in the dark at a brisk pace

riding fast with a blown fork seal

with the fork oil leaking
- all over your right hand brake disc

locking up the rear brake in a turn, on purpose

with another rider behind you
- who then promptly sh*ts in his pants and almost goes off the road

trying to spin cookies on a 400lb street bike in the dirt

starting a 1,000 mile trip with a dead battery figuring that you'll replace it when you get there

riding to school with a backpack full of books strapped with just a bungee net to the seat and then have the whole thing slid off the seat and into the rear tire while cornering

riding with two 12-packs of soda stuffed in a tank bag and try to control it from shifting around with your elbow

riding with one gallon jug of distilled water, a case of Mobil 1 oil, and some other crap in tank bag while its 30 degrees out and trying to make it home to store the bike away

getting blown over by a gust of wind

coasting a bike, losing momentum and trying to pullout of a shopping mall parking lot and dropping the bike

parking your bike and forgetting to put the side stand down

riding with a 30lb pumpkin on the tank...

riding in rush hour traffic with bad brakes...

and no brake light...
- and no turn signals...
  - in a hurry to get tax returns filed on time ...

riding with helmet strapped to book rack...

by the helmet's chin strap...
- and losing the helmet...
  - and not realizing it for about 3 blocks

going for a 4 hour afternoon ride with that little hottie alpha sigma alpha pledge in a leotard (the pledge, not me :b )...

while the g/f back home (no one any of you know...i hope) frantically calls your roommate trying to find you...
- and not caring...

trying to strap 2 gallons of milk to narrow tail section of an F1...

and doing a wheelie...
- and losing one of the gallons at about 60mph...

giving rides to anyone will take one, including that thyroidially challenged chick from the 4th floor of your dorm (and doing your first official wheelie!)

hauling (literally) 2 fairly expensive bikes on a trailer built not to exceed 45mph at about 110mph...

for about a half hour...
- running last year's bearings...
  - that haven't been regreased...

starting your race bike while its on the trailer, held in place with a canyon dancer, which just so happens to be holding the throttle WFO...

attending an wedding complete with an open bar 1 hour before you're supposed to be leaving for Michigan for your first race...

and taking the bikes on the trailer with you to the wedding...
- and going out to the parking lot and pulling the YSR off the trailer so that you and the groomsmen can have a little fun in the parking lot...

getting your 2 year old son hooked on bikes...

and having your wife let him think the YSR in the garage is his...
and taking him for a ride on the YSR (with a kiddy bicycle helmet)...
and letting him control the throttle (completely taking your hands off the bars :O )

letting people bring their bikes over to your garage for maintenance...

and not making them take their fluids home with them hence the 20 gallon garbage can of oil/coolant/etc that i dont know what to do with...
- including all these friggin cans of chain lube/wax - i don't even use that crap!

riding on the interstate with a case of beer on the pillion, no straps, trying to hold it with the left hand while throttling with the right. Say goodbye to the beer. It hit the break down lane at about 70, spinning at a high rate, cans spiraling from the case, spraying foam in all directions. Didn't even slow down, saw most of the action in my rear view mirror.

...and perhaps worst of all, doing a group ride with the COMPoST list!